#280- Respect From Others Starts With You

#280- Respect From Others Starts With You


#280- Respect From Others Starts With You

It’s amazing how many people seek respect from others, yet don’t know how to respect themselves. This happens in relationships of all sorts: romantic, friends, parents, kids, colleagues, etc. In these cases, a fear of loss is at play. When you’re afraid of losing the relationship, you might walk on eggshells, stay quietly angry (then explode into a rage) or become a doormat. In each case you feel powerless because that fear of loss supersedes everything else.

If your mother always talked to you in a demeaning manner, like there was something wrong with you, you might feel the only way to get respect from her is to lash out from time to time. Most of the time you swallow your feelings and take the punches, but every now and then you feel the need to “stand up to her” and say she’s a horrible mother. As long as you keep focusing on her behavior and trying to get her to change, you’ll continue in this pattern of hurt and blame. The only way to get respect from others is to respect yourself first.

In an interesting twist, people disrespect themselves because they’re afraid of losing the relationship, but end up losing the relationship BECAUSE they’ve disrespected themselves. They end up creating what they fear. When you start valuing yourself, you’ll attract people who value and respect you. When you catch yourself seeking respect from someone, ask what you want for yourself. Where are you not taking care of you? Respect isn’t something you can force on another person, either through bullying or subservience. It always starts with you.


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2 thoughts on “#280- Respect From Others Starts With You

  1. Andy - August 26, 2018 at 10:07 pm

    Hi Tracy so what if you don’t feel.your children respect you the way they should do you ultimately cut them loise?


    • Tracy - September 25, 2018 at 3:57 pm

      Hi Andy– This could turn into a long answer. You do not have to do anything formal in terms of making a decision that is major in terms of what you are asking of yourself. You can remove yourself from situations, whether it is your kids or someone else…but first, you have to ask yourself what you fear losing. In other words, we often allow disrespect when we fear loss. And so, we are not respecting ourselves and often we are hoping someone else will be respectful instead. You have to come at it from a point of what you’re willing to do for you, whether it is to state “You are free to act how you want, but I am removing myself from this conversation or situation (whatever it is you are involved in) right now.” In doing this, it is how you start with baby steps into respecting yourself. It is to stop doing things to gain love and instead focus on conserving that energy into loving yourself. I am trying to keep this short, and not get too convoluted. Does this make sense?


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