#255- Journey of Attachment: The Fantasy of Someone Else’s Life

How much time do you spend investing in the lives of other people? Do you look at celebrities and think they know more about life than you do? Maybe you have a different set of rules for yourself and others, and the ones for yourself are much harsher. You punish yourself for falling short, but the people you look up to get a hall pass. This happens in attached relationships when you put your partner on a pedestal, allowing him/her to get away with stuff you would never allow of yourself. But then you think if you WERE them, you’d be able to get away with it too. It’s a fantasy you’ve created where their life is amazing and yours is crap. This is the path to inauthenticity where you abandon yourself and wish your life away. You have to ask yourself why you don’t want to be you.

We’ve seen a lot of fallen stars; celebrities who seems to have an idyllic life, yet break the law or cheat on their spouse. Initially you’re disappointed, but then you read something about why they did it and you feel empathy, thinking they’ve been misunderstood. You excuse the behavior. But if YOU did what they did, you would never forgive yourself. That same empathy doesn’t extend to you because somehow you’re “less than.” You fantasize about having this person’s life because then you’d get these hall passes too.

When you no longer focus on the fantasy lives of others, you allow space for your authentic self to emerge. Accept your imperfections and realize the people you put on a pedestal have them too. This life is your life—you can live it authentically as you, or you can live vicariously through someone else, always feeling like you don’t measure up. It’s your choice.


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