In my early twenties, my career was in sales.
I hated the thought of it, cuz my warped idea of sales was like a used-car salesman: fake and conning people into something they didn’t want. In sales, I didn’t know what the hell I was doing! My entire focus was on getting through a call or dealing with rejection, so the thought of competition with others was a foreign concept.
I intuitively knew back then, competing with others never brings us fulfilling success.
We may temporarily feel like the king or queen of the mountain, when we win, but it quickly fades. We need something else to fulfill the ego, the emptiness and tell us we’re okay. In sales and later sales management, my focus was never on the competition. It wasn’t because I was without ego, it was because I was competing with myself to be MY best. Whenever someone complemented my ability to bring in clients from cold calls or land accounts that those around me deemed impossible….I didn’t feel good, I’d become afraid. My first thought: “How will I sustain this? I will surely fail.” My fear was letting ME down, because someone had recognized I did something well. I was so afraid of future criticism about failing, it spurred me for years!
I never felt like a winner.
I landed large accounts and would do the impossible, all while blocking out what others in my business would do…no comparing, no topping, no nothing….the thought of looking at someone else’s techniques or copying their way of selling, overwhelmed me. It just seemed to make it harder. When I got into coaching, it was accidental (which is a story for another day)…and my classmates there, said I had a natural talent for it! That scared me! Oh shit, now I had crazy-ass expectations of me. Whenever we compare….whether it’s to ourselves and our own expectations… or to another….we take our joy away. The last thing we’ll feel like is a winner in the long run. Instead, we’ll find more ways to believe we must keep up, copy someone else or beat them up (and ourselves in the process). Intuitively, I went within, I didn’t look at anyone else. I incorporated my psychic work into my coaching….and for a long time I had no website, it was all in-person. When I started to invest in marketing myself, I looked at the competition and that feeling of overwhelm returned. Everyone else looked so successful and I had nothing to COMPARE TO…LOL, NOTHING! It made me GULP; I started comparing what they did and what I did. The horrible expectations and comparisons I already had going on inside me, were let loose!
What did I find in this comparison hell? Nothing, but… pain.
How did I figure a WINNING solution? How did I shut up the critic in my head?
1. I went cold turkey, no paying attention to what everyone else was doing.
It never feels good. It’s never fulfilling. It feels like shit and besides that, if there was a true formula for success, wouldn’t we all be able to do an exact copy and re-create the success?
2. Focused on my joy.
Whether I succeed or fail externally had to be put aside, when that’s the focus we’re strung out, stressed out and criticizing the crap out of our every move. Re-focus on what allows passionate engagement.
3. Believing in my own way of success.
Trusting the intuitive rather than playing ping pong in my head, means being more in the moment and engaged daily in what I do. Creating by taking action and not focusing on it’s success, will naturally lead us toward success or realizing we need to change something.
I’m human, we all are…being kind to ourselves as we smack into our limited thinking, fears and other crap, not to mention external obstacles FEELS WAY BETTER than mentally beating ourselves up. Shit will happen….the best we can do is not personalize and keep doing number 2. Need more help with it, contact me to develop your own winning way of living!