The Stories We Tell Ourselves
I follow someone on Facebook called “The Angry Therapist.”
As you can see, he cuts straight to the chase and does not mince words.
If there is a pet peeve of mine, it’s the idea of sugar coating anything. Why would we feel the need to do it? Is it for other people or is it for us?
As Angry puts it in the above quote, let go of your past and begin with now. Begin with your truth.
When people around us are angry or sad, we easily tell them to “let it go,” because naturally, we tend to harp on the negative stuff. Why?
I’m still uncovering this myself; something about original wounds, agreements we make subconsciously, and our own sadistic nature of suffering. Yeah, admit it, it’s a sadistic part of ourselves that we relish in.
And what do we cling to like white on rice? Our Story.
I clung to it for a decade and I’m still peeling back layers of crap I had no idea even existed! You are probably shaking your head in agreement.
We accumulate LOTS of crap over the years. Is it nature versus nurture or are those two variables independent? In my opinion, they go hand in hand however, just because we had a shitty past does not mean we are doomed to a future of misery.
The strongest, most successful people I know endured a shitty past. Do you know why they did not fall victim to their story? Each made a courageous and very conscious choice to “let it go” and see it differently. There. That’s the secret. Is it easy? No, not really BUT it’s a big part of The Hero’s Journey. It is the starting point of change. It’s when you look around and finally see how you may not really “know” anything at all and all the knowledge you have accumulated thus far can all be a smokescreen.
Instead of seeing themselves as beaten down, each person said “You know what? I’m taking this and I am using this to propel me forward. I refuse to see myself as a failure, but as someone who has overcome in the face of obstacles.”
The people who can look at their situations and look at their thoughts and choose to empower themselves by taking positive action actually re-wire their brain to tell a different story.
This is the miracle. This is the power we all have and hold.
We’re all stories in the end. — “The Big Bang,” Doctor Who
What are these stories we are clinging to that are actually running the show behind the scenes?
These are only a few statements I have heard recently that have acted as the “scapegoat” for those people still clinging to a story and making a case for their lives being the way they are:
- There was never enough money
- My mom/dad was an alcoholic
- I was lied to
- My parents were never around
- I’m scared of being hurt/vulnerable, etc
Are you catching my drift? We’ve all done it. In fact, there are times we STILL do it.
So why do we cling to our stories? Stories play an integral role in our identity and because there is a pay-off involved. Sounds crazy, right? For example, if our story is around money and never having enough, if you are not aware, you could be manifesting that exact experience of “not enough” in your life today. Do you necessarily want your life to be that way? Putting in all that overtime? Always trying to make ends meet? No. Its stressful! Yet, it’s an energy you are subconsciously feeding because you have a story, a belief, that there simplify isn’t enough. Try that thought on. How does it feel?
Which side of the proverbial coin do you want to be on?
I don’t know about you, but I would rather be the creator, than some sucker in the background blaming everything and everyone else for my inability to have deep awareness and conviction in my life. If you are reading this post, something tells me you’re not one of those people either, but like me, you have had your moments.
If you keep living your life in a way that blames your past for your current circumstances, and continue to complain to others about it and refuse to take some accountability than you’re not looking for change, you’re looking for pity.The pity of others validates your current experience of dis-empowerment or feelings of being a failure.
There was a quote I read, which said “the problem is that we think we have time.” I am not sure where I read it and by all means, Google it and comment below, but, we don’t know anything about how much time we have left!
Have you changed from who you were 5 years ago, let alone just last year? My guess is hell yes! That’s my point. We keep changing every day. We keep evolving.
Don’t stunt your growth by clinging to an old fear of not being good enough. It doesn’t serve you. And if you think you’re going to grow from receiving pity? You’re not. You’re going to end up on your death-bed wondering what the hell happened to your life.
Your life is worthless, if you subscribe to any belief that you’re not good enough. And when those feelings come up? REBEL like a 15-year-old and refuse to fuel your inner voice.
As you take your first steps on this journey, let me forewarn you, the more you dig through those layers, the more you cannot “UN-see” what you see. In other words, the moment you uncover a false story and you begin to see how it has affected your life, you cannot UN-see it. It’s there. The big ol’ pink elephant in the room.
Do something you’re proud of every day. Weave a new narrative of your life. It could be as simple as not doing what you would “normally” do in a triggered situation. For example, if you talk down to yourself in the mirror, start by noticing the voice in your head talking all that crap. Do you hear it? Now choose a different experience, look in the mirror and say out loud, “I am beautiful.” This is a practice.
We have to drown out all those voices that aren’t even ours to begin with.
Good luck on the road ahead! It’s tough, but the juice is worth the squeeze every time! I got your back!
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