The Pattern Keeper
Definition: Kinda like the horse whisperer, but more in line with being addicted to a way of living, which is beyond all logic, and actively BLOCKS action toward any goal you have of happiness or wholeness.
It is easy to achieve “keeper” status when you ain’t payin’ any attention.
We all do it when we say, “Why does this keep happening to me over and over?” Or “ I try so hard and nothing seems to work”. Yes, my friend…you are the “pattern keeper” too, indiscriminately whispering repetitively to yourself, what you deserve.
And when it comes to others. Let’s say in your most important relationship your partner continually finds comfort in wallowing in self-pity. This person is pity party central over a bad hair day or a trip to the dentist ruins their entire week. You feel you have tried everything to lift his or her jowls off the floor and what you really want to do is SCREAM. You want to say, “If you don’t like your steak well-done then start ordering it how YOU like it!” And taking it a step further, let’s just say this is your pattern in this situation; “be nice, then you can’t take it anymore and blow up” does this help toward bonding and being happy? Hell no!
It is hard to take a step back and decide that you won’t participate in such a detrimental way. You decide you won’t punish yourself or the other person by losing your cool and saying things you will regret. Instead, you take a deep breath and say, “What does this person need from me right now?” Not sympathy, but COMPASSION. If your goal is love and happiness, then you step out of your anger pattern and take a very uncomfortable step into authentic compassion.
I am sure as “pattern keepers”, that scenario could be applied to several situations. I know in my own life it is an experience I am confronted with and have actively stepped into compassion—it feels better and is where I want to skip along to as I make this journey.
We think we are aware of what we do and why we do it, but most of the time we are just reacting to something in the past. We keep the past alive and well when we are not aware.
We say, “I want to buy a house, so I need to save money.” And we try so hard for a day or a week and then that really cool car or Jet Ski with its immediate gratification seems to be a better bet and we again move out of alignment with our goal.
We get fed up, angry and resentful.
We swear and promise that we will not be stuck in Groundhog Day.
Anger and frustration do not create a smooth road to peace; it instead lengthens the distance you must travel. It is the continued route of resistance, ennui, drama and everything else belonging in a soap opera. You are the main character when you don’t “see and understand the origin of your patterns” and “when you don’t take action NOW by making different choices (as difficult as it is) to gain a different outcome.”
You must listen for the whisper. The whisper belongs to a thought that is uttered by the pattern keeper within you. If you react with disappointment to news of a loss or something which makes you question “who you are” with depression or withdrawing from life, PAY ATTENTION. This is a PERFECT opportunity to grab back your dreams from the grasp of the pattern keeper. You can decide to respond differently to those circumstances. This is the KEY. Don’t let YOU hold YOU back.
Things don’t go our way, a lot of the time. Don’t let the pattern keeper do a number on your mojo! As hard as it is to respond favorably to disappointment, see it is a temporary setback and keep on groovin’ down that party line. Make a choice to not let that pattern of reaction be the RULER. Take back your power and make shit happen!
I do this regularly, especially when I feel stuck. I know it’s the pattern keeper in me spinning its head around and barfing up green gook. I have bigger dreams and the only way to achieve them is to hear that “whisper” and take opposite action. Make it opposite day and see what you achieve.
Obviously, I am not trying to inspire violence or any law breaking here; more importantly I am saying don’t do what is comfortable (that is always a red light flashing)…instead go emotionally sky-diving!!! Jump off that cliff!
The older you get the more the pattern keeper may rule, after all you have all these years of experience to back up those patterns. Your dreams don’t die; they get buried in your own limitations. It is all in your head when you take the path that is comfortable, the one, which make your days resemble Groundhog’s Day. Take the path of least INNER resistance; don’t battle yourself.
Listen for the whisper. Stop for a minute and decide to take opposite action even if you feel you have cement blocks for feet. Then take you and all your heaviness, spread your wings and fly like you are a child once again. You will feel a sense of giddiness when you see yourself moving away from the pattern keeper. You will recognize your empowerment and feel anything is possible. I promise!!
Please check out my article on the elephant journal. Click here to read it!!!