The Love Addict Bootcamp!
Dear love addict,
I understand your pain; that pain of feeling stuck, out of control and wishing your love life were different. Maybe you believed someone was your soulmate (or still do), and you are unable to let go of the relationship… or let go of the hope that things will magically change. No matter who or what keeps you stuck in this hell, I am going to help you.
If you don’t take steps to change things, you will keep repeating this pattern and feeling the same shitty way no matter who you are with. Trust me, it took me many painful years to figure this out. You have to really look at what you do to prevent yourself from having the healthy, loving relationship you want. Yes, you are the one standing in your own way. Not your partner, not the universe (who you are convinced is punishing you), not your exes. YOU.
Because I know this pain so intimately, I am launching a 10-week bootcamp to provide you with the tools, support and emotional kick in the ass I wish I had during my 5 year on-and-off-again attached relationship. By the end, you will become aware of what is keeping you stuck so you can move forward… whether that is staying in your current relationship, leaving your partner or finally burning your “single forever” membership card. No more begging, cajoling, ignoring, anxiety or sleepless nights. It’s time to take your power back.
Below I have shared an actual letter to my attachment, which I wrote 10 years ago. I cringe now when I read it because I am not that person anymore. But I am grateful for it, because it is a testament to how far I have come… which means it is possible for you too. This bootcamp isn’t a miracle, but the incremental steps I help you take just may change your life.
Have you ever written something to someone that sounds like this? What is happening here?
- I was not making a choice in favor of me; I took no responsibility and made it all about him.
- In fact, I didn’t realize I “made” a choice by being in this dysfunctional mess!
- I am trying to teach him my idea of right and wrong.
- I make it sound like he has all the power, because I believed I had none. Using the words “make me” mean no personal power–VICTIM.
- I want him to change so I was telling him what he does wrong. Again what was I doing?
- Why was I choosing to work so hard? I thought I had to and I also was very afraid–what if he did commit? Uh…oh.
- I could not see how I was a mirror image AT ALL [see below for more on this!]
- And whoa Nelly! I was TOTALLY acting out of sabotage…TOTALLY.
Do you believe you are broken and can’t be fixed?
Perhaps you believe this is as good as it gets. I disagree. I lived this life, I do not have a life that resembles this “love”, no strike that; I mean this ATTACHMENT addiction! My life is 1000 degrees away from this painful bullshit I lived in. I do not need to ever work as hard as I used to, I am married now and it is SO easy compared to the work I used to do to convince myself and others that I was worthy.
This boot camp format is to move you to transformation!
This boot camp is to expedite the work I usually do with clients one on one.
Hiding and holding onto where you are changes nothing in how you feel and in your possibilities for happiness. Coming out into the open changed so much for me, it can for you too.
It happens by being accountable to a group of peers, to coming out of the dark into the light, to doing what is very uncomfortable to create change and to finally start to feel more normal in the process. The group situation is what will expedite the emotional work to do. Imagine freeing yourself of more of anxiety, feeling out of control, being stuck or hopelessly desperate?
How about being clear about your choice to stay or go or get into healthy dating? You will learn in this boot camp how to do exactly this.
Just sharing your “stuff” in front of these people (it’s a requirement) will be difficult, because there will not be the ability to tell stories to others in which you emotionally distant or victimize yourself, nope! Myself and my team will be there making you dig deeper, feel the stories you tell (and release them), so they are real and not intellectualized versions of memories.
What can you expect as results?
- Small miracles in how you feel–you will start feeling amazing in small bits that grow!
- Getting your attachment under control–so you trust yourself!
- Stopping the pining for what has never been to be–instead you will be free!
- Changes in your relationships for the better–you will be loving you more!
- Trusting yourself more to make good choices–you’ll know how to not settle!
- Feeling valued and knowing real confidence–yes, yes, yes!
- Happiness that can be sustained–you’ll have the tools to feel joy!
- More control over your emotional state–you will be in charge of your mood & tude!
- Leaving victimhood behind–feeling like your own rockstar hero!
It Can’t Be Me, It Must Be He or She!
“I dont doubt that you are in love with me, but if u cant go there because of your stuff-then say it!!! I DONT WANT TO ABANDON YOU!!” <<<This was an actual text I sent to the same ex, who I was in a yo-yo relationship with years ago!
Who was I trying to convince? On the outside, I looked like I had my shit together, but on the inside: I WAS A HOT MESS.
The pain I avoided oy vey! And the pain you avoid inside of yourself keeps you focused 100% on the other person. To look inside of yourself is an act of courage, that no one taught us as children. We were taught to focus on making others happy to get what we want, so we could be loved and happy, but it doesn’t work, does it?
So, instead, the person who you’ve made more special than they really are is the focus of: What is he or she doing? What does he or she want? How can I make them act as I need them to?
Whether you are:
- In a dysfunctional relationship
- Dating someone and you feel like a yo-yo
- Single and have been for a long time because you never really moved on
- Leapfrogging from relationship to relationship
There is an element of wishful thinking. Not just wishing perhaps the reality was different, but wishing that you could ignore your fear. Fear? Yes, whether you cannot let go of the dysfunction or are afraid of moving on from a dead relationship or can’t be alone or believe the person who won’t commit is your soulmate or you say, “I am fine by myself!” …you are in a quagmire of FEAR. In fact let’s call it LOVE ADDICTION (yes, even those of you who are avoiding it like the plague–your past is why you avoid and the reason you avoid it is FEAR)
You want to be rescued (it’s okay no one likes to admit it), whether it is by someone who is currently in your life, a future partner or an ex you hope will come back! I know hearing this is hard, because you really do not see yourself as “that” victim, but you are when you feel powerless and are waiting on anyone or anything outside of you to change things for you.
You want change, YES, more than anything, you’re waiting for that brick to fall on his or her head to wake up and smell the coffee….and know how wonderful and amazing you are! It’s not that you aren’t wonderful and amazing, but if you really believed that about yourself you wouldn’t be here.
Notice the empty space inside, this comes from not filling yourself up, because you may have no idea how to do it for yourself, it is why you want to be rescued. Rescuing yourself is possible, and I will show you how. You do not need a “perfect” partner who will never disappoint you; you need to start giving what you do for others to yourself.
Sit for a second and feel your feelings. See how your motivation is not about you helping you emotionally. You want to be saved from this, you want things to change, but you have no idea the ability is within you.
It’s about YOUR Fear.
Whether you are single by design or in a relationship with no consistency or progression, the fear you feel may seem like a white-hot poker is going through you when you look at reality. Those who have been single after their last not so functional relationship have a fear of getting close again; it’s the fear of falling into the trap of losing themselves AGAIN plus there may be a pining away for this person who you believe is STILL your soulmate. Those who are actively dating, but waiting for that text or a phone call to happen, which is way after the time or day he or she promised to communicate have a lot of the same fears. Fear of abandonment, fear of ending up alone, fear you’re not lovable, you’re not worth it and so on. Yes, all apply to what you may seem to be helplessly experiencing.
Some fears you may have in your love life…
- Afraid there is only a limited amount of available partners for you
- What will happen if I actually end up alone?
- I can’t get rid of my anxiety without he or she in my life
- My soulmate may move on and marry the next person, so I need to wait it out–I cannot let go.
- When I see he or she acting right, and I know its possible, it makes me more determined to stay.
- I see signs that he or she is making little steps toward what I want them to be
- I’m single because the last time I was involved I was so attached and couldn’t let go that the idea of it happening again, freaks me out!
- Making a mistake and choosing the wrong partner.
- I cannot live without he or she even though I am so fucking miserable! I feel trapped!
What about that mirror image statement?
Yes, you are a mirror image of the person who is avoiding intimacy. Why? Just by hanging on and holding tight to the myth (that they will change) keeps you in a state of lack. A lack of intimacy, most of us do not see this because we are so focused on the other person. I hate to break it to you, but if you are emotionally available, you would not waste your time and energy trying to get close to a polar bear! A mirror is a great place to reflect your own fear–so use it, it’s for your benefit!
The Desire For The Perfect Partner….and attachment!
And well, if you are single looking for that perfect partner, do you end up settling for less because you’re attached to someone you barely like? Perhaps you try to convince others that this is a good move? I am sure you may believe a perfect partner exists, but why do you need one? Because pain is something you fear. When you feel your real feelings, there will be the fear you avoid. You avoid dealing with your own fear by clinging onto someone else because you don’t believe you can handle your own feelings.
The perfect partner means you are saved from yourself. They will fulfill all the dreams and ideas you have had about what a healthy relationship is…except it isn’t. In a healthy relationship no one is saving anyone from anything (well unless there’s a train coming, then, of course, your loved one will do what they can to save you).
The perfect partner is somehow the ticket to not dealing, you might think everything will be magically fixed since they will take up the slack for how you feel about you. You can live in this bubble with someone, but what happens when you lose your co-dependent partner, then you are looking for someone else to anxiously attach yourself to.
The perfect partner doesn’t exist, human beings exist and no matter how much you idealize someone, it will never take their flaws away. Yeah, I know I used to say I could handle flaws, but for most of us who are attached–it is not so much about flaws as it is the pain triggered when we hold on for the wrong reasons.
Many I work with fall into the ANXIOUS AVOIDANT category; many believe they are just ANXIOUS, but with some digging, we find where they are avoidant too. Whoever in the relationship acts as though they care less is more avoidant and the one who is attached desperately is clearly more anxious.
Most anxious avoidant individuals become attached to another avoidant who exhibits specific characteristics subconsciously reminding them of treatment in their earlier life around emotional abandonment. The subconscious employs familiarity as a sense of safety, at the same time there is a deeper desire for events to go differently this time. Mainly, it’s the desire for the unconditional love which was never received to be given by an individual who does not want to or is not capable of giving it.
Here’s the deal my beautiful love addict, none of these things have anything to do with real love.
- I mean, if you are honest, can you dig deep down to answer these questions:
- In your mind, do you believe the emotional happy endings that movies and books produce will give you a sense of fulfillment?
- Are you constantly people-pleasing your dates or your current partner in hope of validation that you are lovable and he or she won’t leave you?
- Do you have a love-hate relationship with someone where you just can’t stand it, break it off, ignore them and then secretly hope they’ll show up on your doorstep?
- The minute you find someone likes you and you have chemistry, do you start feeling anxious?
- Are you hot and cold with dating because you fear losing control of your well-manicured life? Does it make you picky as hell, again looking for Mr. or Mrs. Perfect who will not hurt or disappoint you?
- You may believe you are emotionally available, but are you vulnerable (not clingy), able to withstand emotionally driven conversations and able to deal with disappointment and rejection?
- How consistent are you with your own words and actions? Does it depend on what the object of your desire is or is not doing?
- When you are single do you flip flop on dating, because you believe there are no good ones?
- And so when you date, do you get your hopes up that he or she is the one and then it is a huge deflate when you meet them? Are you totally disappointed because you could’ve sworn from their profile or message that this person was it!
- Does being alone means being numb or anxious, so you either stay super busy or you date a LOT, neither of these positions has anything to do with dealing with yourself?
You’re never emotionally both feet in, even if you are totally attached. Check out your mental strategies! Yes, what strategies are you employing my friend, as you think about a way out or a way to make the situation work? All. THE. TIME.
Do you think you manipulate to gain control of your addiction?
- Well, if you ditch what you want to say in favor of going along with the special other person, so as to not rock the boat or to get your way, it is manipulation.
- Sexually hooking someone or feeling like it is so addictive that you do what you can to make that happen every time you see he or she out of fear of abandonment is manipulation.
- Are you always rescuing everyone? You do it for validation, so you feel accepted and loved, no one will abandon you is the hope! Perhaps you are a martyr too, expecting that if you do enough then people will owe you? Manipulation and control again.
- Constantly reminding someone that they’re not doing the right thing and needing it to be how you picture things is a huge form of control.
I’m here to help you feel in control of yourself, become far less anxious and become brave! I’m writing to say this quandary of addiction you feel does not need to be the rest of your life! Nope! You can get through this to the other side of peace, REAL LOVE, happiness, and true joy.
Love addiction makes you feel like you can’t trust yourself. I could not, I had to talk to a psychic! Love addiction makes you second guess everything, what if he or she is the last person on earth who may understand you or that may show you attention or you believe once they get their shit together they’re your soulmate? You are afraid to leave for that reason.
It’s time to really FEEL your feelings!
You might think feeling is what you call anxiety, fear, sadness and other emotions which are really a reaction to your circumstances [or the stories in your head]. True feeling is quite different.
The pure deep feeling emanating from the authentic you. Telling you in a voice you have probably long ignored what is actually going on inside of you. The ability to break through your walls, your fears and make real change comes from feeling your feelings.
You want a healthy, happy relationship, then feeling it all will help you to get there.
If you do not honor your feelings…who will?
The reason for this LOVE ADDICTION Bootcamp
- Simply–is the pain you are in fun? Let’s get rid of it once and for all!
- I mean are you having a good time? Let’s get busy learning how to have real joy!
- It has nothing to do with other people. It has to do with you and how you treat you. What you say YES or NO to, and WHY. Let’s dig deep and root out the reasons you treat yourself as you do!
- Many love addicts feel victimized by their own patterns, unaware that the beliefs they have about themselves and love are what are doing them in. Even if the outside world doesn’t know how you suffer, I do and I say why would you want to suffer another day? WHY? Let’s get vulnerable, learn to be honest with yourself and stop the SUFFERING!
Until August 31st:
One payment: 1997.00/ After August 31st: 2497.00
Three payments of 847.00 each time. After August 31st: 997.00 each time
Ready to do it!! You can make a nonrefundable deposit of 500.00 by clicking on the button below.
Once we have 12 people in the Bootcamp, the reservation deposit button will not be available (you can get on the waiting list), so if it is still there–then you can still join! When I have 12 people we will start. Please email firstname.lastname@example.org if you have any questions on other payment plans or about the program.