The Choices We Make
My year of reinvention continues, how about you?
Recently, I met with a woman who helped me with a few things regarding my subconscious beliefs. She told me that my relationships would be affected. People coming; people going.
It’s been wild to watch!
Before I met with her, I already made different choices in my relationships.
This just accelerated things. As I continued to magnetize individuals sharing a similar perspective of reality, while accepting myself (finally) and understanding, we’re all f*cked up…other people disappeared!
I decided to choose love even while letting go.
It’s been rough.
I’ve lost a relationship that was of value to me. A lot of love, amazing memories, and at one point we were kindred spirits, but alas, too many misunderstandings, judgment and change had taken place. It’s a funky place to be, when you can see the deeper picture of how it took two to get there. We either go thru thick n’ thin communicating honestly or crap expands (including others) pushing us apart.
On the other hand many who disappeared, were not ‘authentic’ and frankly we never were truly friends. As I felt a sense of relief… I asked myself, how did I get here.
Junior high school?
We all have our jr. high story, don’t we?
Not only were parts of it happening again, BUT my issue of belonging and how I go about valuing myself really started back then!
At the time, I was cast out of my group without any interest in my truth–as only a 13 year old could be a victim, but who knows this at 13?
From that point forth, I felt inadequate in most relationships, waiting for the other shoe to drop–to be found out and told I sucked. I left a lot of relationships up to the other person to choose me; to tell me I was okay or not. I never really felt worthy; I’d always feel something was wrong with me and thank God they’re willing to overlook it!
It wasn’t til I started choosing me, accepting me (warts and all), being kinder, gentler and happier with me LOVING MYSELF….in other words taking off my mask and being who I really am, that something profoundly shifted.
It’s been hard at times, but I had no choice…I had to choose me. (If I tried to suck it up and fit my square peg self into a round hole–I’d experience a weird anxiety–I couldn’t pretend) I took responsibility where I saw my part, but stopped worrying how others perceived me.
This was the most AMAZING discovery…..I finally realized I value myself not based on the opinions or assumptions of others, NOPE…I value me, based on me.
And it leads me to how choosing OURSELVES (not as victims), but in loving what is….we can choose the others in our lives, with love too.
Someone recently sent me Choose Her Everyday or Leave Her…wanting me to talk about it on my radio show. In a perfect world it’s great to put the onus of responsibility on one person. We can all be destructive, but you have to catch yourself and at least know why….so if you have relationships, whether intimate or not….who (or what) do you choose?
From the article:
I was too focused on the anger, insecurities, demands, and other aspects of her strong personality that grated on me. The more I focused on her worst, the more I saw of it, and the more I mirrored it back to her by offering my own worst behavior.
In any relationship, we do this when we want to victimize ourselves and hold someone else responsible: place blame. The focus for this man was not on himself, it was on his partner and her negative aspects (not as a whole person).
By focusing on what you cannot control (another person), and ignoring what is going on within yourself–you remain unfulfilled–wanting–needing–and usually angry.
My personal journey is to remain connected, choosing myself, so I can be authentic and love others from that place, whether they are in my life or not.
Because it feels good! Isn’t that the point of life….to feel good?
What about you? Where will you focus?