Teaching People How to Treat Us
Got a complaint? See the round file to the left.
Words used to convey displeasure with no solution, become words with no meaning.
It’s almost like the drone of ocean waves on your radio, lulling you into a coma. Except when you complain with the hope of change happening, the drone upsets and creates “defensive” drama rather than calm.
Don’t like drama?
We create it by our response to it, even if it doesn’t begin with us.
Many of us find ourselves in situations at work or our personal life in which we feel confined or flat out, we feel miserable. Sometimes we feel the only strength we have is the power to complain.
And stay stuck.
And continue to teach people it’s okay to treat us in a certain way, which may be disrespectful of our needs, our time or our value.
And no amount of complaining to the source or our friends or family will change the dynamic.
We find these scenarios over and over again, until we take responsibility and say STOP.
We stop ourselves from the din of our own voice repeating the same thing over and over.
We stop moving backwards and we stand still.
The realization has hit us between the eyes.
Today we understand how much power we have been giving away.
This dawning allows us to see clearly.
We are aware of three reasons we are so angry. The first reason is from our own expectations that a situation or a person should change without us changing too.
And the second reason we are angry, is that it doesn’t change. Our belief that if we were nice, accommodating or silent it would get us what we want; except it NEVER DOES. And so that anger we have basted, stewed and have trouble containing is turned inward on ourselves.
And anger at the self is manifested into some lovely habits of denial, compartmentalizing and numbing out. Some activities, support the numbing, whether it is over-eating, drinking, gambling, shopping or anything which becomes unhealthy, because of the reasons behind it.
And all the while, you may have the veneer that you are just fine. Except you are not.
The third reason is we’re completely lost as to why we allow this dynamic to keep happening in our lives (Part of my job is to help others see the pattern within clearly).
When we allow behaviors, and negative situations to happen, but wait for a miracle, we are abusing ourselves in anticipation of, again, something outside of us changing.
There is no empowerment in trying to control what you CANNOT in your external world.
There’s always a choice, sometimes this choice makes you the most uncomfortable. It’s the one that you put off, put aside and try to avoid and it’s the one you need to choose for your own welfare.
Today you begin. You connect the dots; you see your part as the lead actor in your own play. It is sort of exciting, because it’s a major opportunity.
You get to change your mind, make decisions and do the right thing for you.
I’ve learned in my own life that even though I may be in a precarious position, one in which I need money, love, friendship, work, etc….I have to GIVE UP the need that is killing me!! If I stay ALLOWING my feelings, boundaries, wants and needs to get trampled, I am stuck!
Even though standing for myself is SOOOO hard, it’s actually simpler and happier in the long run.
Everyone is then clear on what I accept, when I act respectful toward myself.