Why are most of our relationships so complicated with the opposite sex?
Perhaps there should be a dictionary for Menglish and Womenglish? After all, we have one for the English language and most others on this planet.
We believe we’re communicating our wants and needs. Sometimes, we think we’re right and the other is wrong.
How about if no one was wrong? What if it’s a lack of understanding….not necessarily of the other person, but of ourselves?
What if we believe we need something that we can’t define, and put it on the other person to fulfill?
Often, we have a picture in our head of what our relationship is supposed to look like, usually it has nothing to do with reality.
When we struggle in the relationship with the other person, we are trying to get a certain outcome…our outcome, not necessarily what is best for the relationship…but again, what we want to fill in the cracks or to satisfy our need.
It comes back to ourselves no matter if we’re male or female.
We may communicate differently, but the bottom line is–if we aren’t honest with ourselves, how can we possibly believe the results are going to be fulfilling?
We’re always going to want more when we are unclear as to why we feel how we do.
We’re going to blame our partner, if we haven’t become responsible for our own emotional state.
To be honest, authentic, true to ourselves requires us to move beneath our beliefs, our patterns and our protection to find what it is we truly want and need….and then it is up to us to fill it for ourselves first.
When we are aware of what we really want, it’s our responsibility to take care of it for ourselves.
And what we really want is love and acceptance.
Of course, we have to do that for us first, right? Otherwise how can we possibly know what it feels like to be loved by someone else?
Once we decide to really love and accept ourselves just as we are, we’ve certain beliefs and patterns, which make it a bit difficult to be consistent in our feelings.
Sometimes the walls we have built out of fear block our connection to our feelings of love. And fear can show in a number of ways from the beliefs we carry ourselves (we’re not good enough, unloveable, wrong, etc..) to the ways we act, speak and listen.
When we bring the person who we’re in a relationship with into the mix, they will more than likely trigger those beliefs and fears into overdrive. I equate the extremes it creates to that feeling, we’re outside of our bodies.
We take what is triggered and blame all men or all women. It’s not the case, we may speak different languages, because we process our reality differently, but it’s not a sex thing.
It’s a trigger thing, which depending on our level of awareness can make the language barrier even wider.
Our differences in communication become weapons when we feel we’re not being heard or again, getting what we THINK want.
What can we do?
There’s plenty of advice I can offer, tools that work in creating clarity, communication and understanding. It’s a matter of putting these things into action, not waiting for the other person to figure it out and taking responsibility for how we feel.
First. Stop whatever struggle you are engaged in with another. If you pause, and take a breath, you can see how much energy is tied up physically in that battle.
Second. If you stop the struggle for a moment, try to find a sense of calm, because it’s time to dig deeper. If you can’t get to total calm, go for a walk or do some other activity to release some anxiety.
Third. If you have a sense of calm, it’s time for the question, “What do I need right now?”
And whatever it is, no matter if it makes you vulnerable or you feel like you’re swallowing your pride, admit whatever it is to yourself, but at least…ASK. You deserve to ask. You deserve to ask yourself first to fulfill the request and then ask another.
Fourth. The inner critic, voices of old beliefs and protective walls.
These stand in between you and what you want. You can’t conquer them in one day, but get to know them…make friends with them. See what stories they tell you and bit by bit, allow them to go on their merry way. Don’t hold onto them any longer than necessary.
Fifth. You are flawed, he or she is flawed…we’re all flawed and no matter if it is Menglish or Womenglish…learn to speak the language without taking it personally.
If you want more tips, check out a FREE teleseminar I am doing on May 30th at 5 p.m. PST. You can watch this video, which explains in some detail what the seminar is about…or you can just sign up by clicking here and then scrolling to the bottom of the page.