We demand apologies in our society.
Why do people want an apology when someone clearly is not sorry and doesn’t want to give it?
Does it have some meaning to hear meaningless words?
As a society do we suffer from over-politeness—expected to apologize when we don’t feel regret for our words or actions, so should we do it anyway? We can insert any words besides I am sorry (car door, lollipop, vase, etc) into an apology, when we’re being forced.
I’ve a better idea….how about sticking to being authentic…it has significance and ‘value.’
In our desire to rip an apology from the reluctant hands of the offender, it is to ensure NOTHING changes. NOTHING.
People do NOT like change, especially when it’s associated with loss. (most change means loss of something)
To gain value in yourself, you need to see yourself and others clearly.
If someone hurts you or does something untenable, the first impulse might be to put it all back together again…so nothing changes.
Denial can be alright for a minute or two, but in reality you need to look at what has transpired.
How about apologizing when you’ve done nothing, but just want things to stay the same–hoping it will calm the other person down or he or she won’t blame you for their crappy behavior? Ever experienced this phenomenon?
Elevating yourself while NOT trying to convince someone else of anything you think you deserve is the key.
Let me be clear, by elevating, I mean to take yourself out of the desire to react in an old way; to gain clarity—by rising above it (to see clearly) and looking at the situation as the observer.
When you react to a situation as a victim, it is quite different than saying “I am hurt by this situation” and taking a step back.
Taking a step back to evaluate or let the dust settle, so you can clearly decide what is best for YOU…not the other person(s) is going to lead you in the direction of self-care and empowerment.
Fulfillment equals value.
Value inside means you’re not demanding payment. Instead of demanding a meaningless apology by threatening someone or falling deeper into victimhood, the movement is to care for your own feelings.
Screw meaningless apologies, they change nothing. It’s time to look at reality, the truth and make changes for your own fulfillment.
Some of you may not want to give up on the hope and dreams you have invested in the relationship or situation (personally or professionally) and so action to care for yourself is the last thing you will do.
Valuing yourself is hard to do with other people actively living in your mind. The fear of loss is more important than self-love, until it’s not.
I remember looking for books or other arguments, which supported how I felt, because no one around me understood what was going on with me…and it made me question my value. I needed something outside of me to validate that my feelings are okay.
Stepping out of the role you’ve inhabited–takes an honest appraisal, understanding the way you’ve acted isn’t your TRUE position; it was to get validation. True value cannot be felt through validation from others.
So, what is the bottom line? Give up apologizing, unless you really mean it for an action or word, which you FEEL was a mistake.
Stop waiting for the apologies from the rest of the world, they make no difference to your ultimate value. And recognize that your value is an inside job.