It's just a nightmare in your head…
The scariest place most of us live ….is in our head.
All sorts of B-movies, horror flicks and dastardly deeds keep playing themselves out with regularity.
So, they must be true, right? After all we can spend an inordinate amount of time analyzing something or someone we perceive to be a problem or wrong. And if we invest that much energy in telling ourselves that a scenario we created in our mind from circumstantial evidence than it must be real!
Unfortunately, what is usually the “case” is we create all of this nightmarish drama about ideas in our OWN mind. Not reality. And if we really understood why, we could then stop creating these fantastical episodes (or at least create less of them).
Many of the nightmares are based on a very core (and untrue) belief we have on the level of what we believe we deserve, which makes us insecure and apt to sabotage something really great in our life.
The belief has to do with how worthy we feel of success, happiness, love, etc…and has more than likely been there since childhood. We have reinforced the belief over the years, because we tend to set up situations (first in our head) that reinforce the belief to be true. We have patterns that keep the belief intact and keep us from realizing what we truly want at a deeper level.
We create our reality.
So…why would we want a nightmare to be our reality? Intellectually, we don’t….emotionally we seem to repeat it over and over.
The triggering thoughts could even happen in a time of peace. As though it is the calm before the storm; and if that is how you see it, you will create just THAT scenario.
I had a client last week who came to see me. I hadn’t seen her in a few months and immediately noticed her energy was calmer and told her so…she said “yes” and that is what scared her.
She had a very stressful job, with a stressful boss when I met her a couple of years ago. The boss was removed last Summer (which should have been a huge relief) and she took on his workload. She never felt any sense of stress leaving her as she swore would happen when her boss left (so all the time we spend thinking “if” this would happen or that would happen, we’d feel better is really a crock) and was still overwhelmed until two weeks ago when she had a new boss come in and take a lot off her plate. She instantly liked him and they got along, which lead to her feeling that now that all was calm, they wouldn’t need her anymore.
She had started to imagine reasons they would let her go, instead of seeing it from a different perspective. She could have chosen to see it from it having been a dysfunctional environment becoming much more functional. She was too afraid to believe that something in her life could go well without a high degree of suffering, even though that is what she truly wants!
Most of us have some insecurities about ourselves and what we deserve. The key is to see the thoughts, which in turn lead to the downward spiral of creating nightmares in our head. It takes a bit of self-awareness to realize the thoughts you are having during the day. I notice them as a sort of “comfortable/uncomfortable” feeling of familiarity.
Sort of like an old pair of shoes, you know them and you may be attached to them, but they are no longer all that comfortable or good for you.
When you catch that feeling, look at the thought and do what you can to not allow the thought to manifest into a B-movie in your mind to later be played out with others.
Projection is what happens.
Haven’t you been in a situation in which you are having a perfectly normal conversation with someone and their reaction to something you have said is….WAY OUT THERE? Or have you been the person to completely overreact (the one who is way out there?)and imagine the person in front of you as the great evil doer in your nightmare?
Yeah… nobody in that scenario is living in the current moment. And it is made worse by the “dramatic scene” we have playing in our head, in which we are soooo sure we know what is really going on and in reality, we couldn’t have been more wrong.
Getting clear on where you are and what you are doing is key. When you stop focusing on someone or something and analyzing it, you free up the space to put that energy toward having self-awareness, which works much better at getting you to your desired outcome.
When those nightmares start up….ask where they come from and when you see that they are about as real as the boogeyman you have an opportunity to take different action NOW (as in you have a clean slate–this moment is new, treat it that way) and not give energy to fiction in your mind. It gets easier the more often you do it and you will find yourself being less reactive and that things in your life just sort of work themselves out…..its true!