What is that you say you want?
a solid and happy relationship
a great job
happiness inside of you, etc…
Some of us have a lopsided idea of “self-sacrifice” as the car to drive on the road to happiness. Not quite.
Please be aware this post is not aimed at the parent to child relationship. Although, it can be looked at in certain instances there too.
We don’t get what we want by sacrificing our dreams, our happiness, ourselves and what it is that WE want!
If we give up what WE want to please others, but still DEEP, DOWN INSIDE “want” what we want; we’ll never have it taking this route…we’ve shown the world what WE want doesn’t matter.
Everyone has heard you have to love yourself before you can love someone else or you have to be happy with YOU before you can be happy with anyone else…well, there is truth in those words. Self-love is an everyday imperfect process. As long as you take the self-love road more often than not, you are investing in your own happiness.
Self-sacrifice is a bad idea.
When someone you know, love or work with absolutely refuses to yield to our needs or wants, we have a choice. We can sit tight, keep quiet and WAIT for the 12th of NEVER for this person to give us what we need; we starve while hoping one day they wake up and smell the coffee.
And meanwhile, you silently state, “Look what you’re doing to me! You owe me. I’m angry and resentful now, because I denied myself and I’m directing it at you.”
At times we think it is called for, for the good of all.
Hmmm, here the thing…
It’s a broad statement and a manipulation of how you want others to see YOU; the all-giving, altruistic warm-hearted person. You may be all those things, but any time you state it or sacrifice, you are in fact in opposition to the greater good.
When you give up your confidence, your desires and your own power…you become a victim.
Instead of being happy being YOU, you are only “halfway present”. You may physically show up, but your hurt feelings, anger or sadness are overwhelming and other people detect it, unless they are checked out themselves. And most people don’t want a sacrificial lamb, because there is always a feeling of debt, as though something is owed to you.
And who wants to pay that price? And why would YOU want to sacrifice yourself to exact payment from someone instead of everyone having free will?
You create a greater good for all, by living your life full out!
Going along to get along is never a good idea. Unless there is a life-threatening situation. The sacrifice is always our own happiness and well-being.
When someone won’t give to us or says “it’s their way or the highway,” we have a choice.
The choice is to either swallow our love, confidence and happiness OR act in our own best interest, which opens up doors previously unimaginable or impossible. It allows us to be in a place of non-attachment, yet connected to the source of all.
The choice of self-empowerment is not always easy, yet it is sooooo worth it!
The belief that we deserve what we want, standing firmly in our soul is also an opportunity to believe things will work out for the best. Even if they look different than we imagined or originally wanted…when you stay committed to you providence moves…it has no choice.
If you’re not budging from your goals and happiness, the universe meets you in that journey.
Taking action is the difficult part when you are not used to standing for yourself.
Get past the “what if’s” or being worried you are hurting others by standing for yourself. The only way you are hurting others by taking a stand for you (we don’t have to bring out weapons; we can be kind) is that the other people are used to you feeding their needs before your own; they are used to being self-involved in your presence, because you taught them how to treat you.
All of this really comes back to the word love. If you act from love, first for yourself and then others, its always in alignment.
It is not really authentic love to give up what you want and pretend its okay to deny yourself….you are not loving you or anyone else. When you want to appear to be Ghandi, please ask yourself your goal… World peace? Or is it your own peace and happiness that you can then abundantly share with the world?
I think feeling groovy is the way to go and when you give from abundance of having your own spirit fed, the well is infinitely deeper than when you have let it run dry from all your sacrifice.
Please check out my website. I am adding a forum. Ask Coach Tracy this week. I look forward to questions and discussions. BE WELL!