It’s a broad statement; I too, like to believe I’m a very considerate person, but the truth is I can be inconsiderate.
Inconsideration falls into a few categories:
1. Lack of awareness of oneself and/or others.
2. Not wanting to share our time, interest or something else, which makes someone else believe they are being shit upon.
3. Purposely being a rude or inconsiderate jackass. : )
None of us are perfect, so there are times in life when we are completely clueless; disappoint someone else who had expectations of us; we try to piss someone off purposely or give them a passive/aggressive message.
Being human beings, we find it difficult at times to walk and chew gum; to communicate our truth, or we stop caring to communicate our truth; all may prove haphazardous to the recipient.
Lack of awareness of oneself and/or others:
- Found in grocery stores with shopping carts
- On the road daydreaming, overly cautious or misunderstanding basic rules of the road.
- Standing in line, in the personal space of the person in front of us
- Shutting doors on people behind us or not holding them open
- Staring at a smartphone, oblivious to others
- Walking in the middle of parking lot aisles
- Giving bad customer service
- Ignoring signs stating directions whether on foot or in a car
Many people are concerned with their own little world.
We all get lost in thought, in public too, so we’re disconnected from our surroundings.
We may be in the middle of a conversation in our head or with another person. Not noticing what is going on in our environment; thinking of where we need to be next or that we’re late, early, or lost.
What can we do?
Be HERE, in the present moment as much as possible. Pay attention to our surroundings and the people sharing it with us.
Not wanting to share our time, interest or something else, which makes someone else believe they are being shit upon:
- Not wanting to go to Grandma’s house for Christmas Dinner
- Meetings or people, which can be mind-numbingly boring
- Declining any social invitation
- Our flimsy excuses to not attend an activity, organization, etc…that we have no real interest in, but maybe our partner or friend does…
- Being busy and not sacrificing to please this “other.”
We’ve all been here or may live here.
Someone wants us to do something personally or professionally and we just don’t wanna do it! We may have sacrificed a few times, caved in or whatever to please someone else, while we suffer. When we finally decide we can’t take it anymore, we could be seen as inconsiderate or selfish.
It is a no-win situation, when someone else believes we owe them our time and participation.
In work: boring meetings are hard to avoid for some, but we then show our irritation by being short in words, rushing things along or zone out to not pay any attention to the topic at hand.
In our personal lives: we cancel date night or work late to avoid it; we would rather stay home, then visit a relative on a holiday; we really don’t want to go ice-dancing with all of our old friends from high school and so on…
What can we do?
In our personal life: REALLY, REALLY HONEST. Don’t make excuses or b.s. the other person, because then we’re lying and everyone feels crappy. It doesn’t matter if it’s not well-received, because we already look like an inconsiderate jackass…may as well be a truth-telling jackass.
Once most people get past, being pissed off that they’re not getting their way, do appreciate our honesty. We stop dodging bullets and expectations.
In our professional life: Be tactful, honest and creative in finding a solution to the meeting issue. Being less angry, will allow a more productive solution to appear.
When we stop dancing on eggshells, we can be honest and that allows us to be creative.
Purposely being a rude or inconsiderate jackass:
This runs the gamut:
- Ignoring or blowing someone off, cuz we’re afraid or don’t care
- Reacting to getting cut off or cutting someone off in traffic
- Being critical
- Being rude to an employee anywhere
- Calling anyone a name or exploding in a degrading manner, because we’re angry
- Running into someone with our shopping cart, car, or any object
- Screaming at a computer operated phone system–then yelling at the human being in customer service who picks up.
Fear or anger can make us do some strange things.
Sometimes those moments are caught on You Tube or “America’s not so funny home videos.” We’ve all had some version of this, because we’ve been pissed off or afraid to tell someone to take a hike or hear their wrath…or in extreme cases, we’re gonna teach em’ a lesson.
What can we do?
- Deal with ourselves; why are we REALLY angry or afraid?
- Not take others personally.
- Be honest instead of hiding out.
- Take a breath, get out of the emotion and ask ourselves what we really want the outcome to be, rather than picking up the pieces later.