I’m not good enough to have the best relationship for me…I have a lot of work to do.
I’m not good enough to have someone really love me, because I am still building my career, my finances, my dreams, etc…
I’m not good enough to be married to my best friend, because I have a fatal flaw.
I’m not good enough for a committed relationship, because I’m broken.
I’m not good enough to be a partner in a healthy partnership, because I’ve been told I’m a loser (fill in the blank) And so on….
I hear this and variations of these words all the time.
The lack of confidence that we are enough, just as we are….that until we reach the pillars of perfection we’re unworthy of anything that FEELS GOOD!
We settle. Re-settle. Get stuck.
Are too afraid to take a step out of a bad situation or hope it’ll get better.
We stay where we think it’s safe, but…yet….it feels crappy.
When we wake up each day, whether we’re alone or in a non-fulfilling relationship there is probably an aching emptiness, a feeling of doom/gloom or anxiety…..all in facing another day stuck without the life we really want to live. And stuck without who we’d really LOVE to be living it with!!
Why do we allow those old beliefs, these feelings of comparing ourselves to a state of perfection that doesn’t exist?
Fear of getting involved with someone who we feel connected to and good with, but believe one of the following will happen:
- being just as miserable as we are here/now
So, here’s the thing (my clients laugh, because I always say this statement):
Self-acceptance is the key.
Rooting out those old beliefs in how we got here is the most important part. When we locate those old beliefs in out subconscious and recognize how they planted themselves there in the first place…we create miracles.
I have done this and do this process whenever I feel stuck, I locate the belief, I see WHY I created it in the first place…I then see all the times in my life that I re-created scenarios, so I could live in that fearful belief and I let it limit me.
If we want life-altering and shifting perceptions….
Here is a tip:
Self acceptance means that perfection has no place in out lives, period. PAY ATTENTION to the voices in your head that criticize you, tell you that you’re not good enough or say how could anyone love such a loser like you.
Catch those thoughts, find them physically in your body. They are attached to an emotion and a physical sensation. Where are they located?
Example: In your stomach. Like someone punched you in the gut.
When you locate the pain or discomfort, place your focus there…allow the feeling to grow. Let it overwhelm you. And then ask yourself the first time you felt that way?
Usually, it is somewhere in childhood. I had a client who would suffer from anxiety at the thought that they were going to be late for a job (they were self-employed) and show up empty-handed. He would be completely on edge that he would screw up in some way just by the way he showed up. Even though, he was always on time and went WAY over and above what was necessary for the client.
When he did discover through this exercise the belief he developed it changed everything. He realized that as a latchkey kid he felt unprepared for school all the time. His Mom never took him to the store for supplies and he was afraid to tell her that he had certain assignments due when he was in first grade.
He would end up in the office with no supplies, no completed assignment and feeling forlorn as he was also unkempt. He grew up never wanting to feel that shame and embarrassment again….
He overcompensated…and he also went the other direction. In his personal life he never showed up emotionally prepared, he always felt not good enough, and undeserving of someone who loved and respected him. He attracted women who criticized him and told him he was not good enough.
The story is longer, but it’s to give you the gist of the exercise, so that you can start discovering your own limiting beliefs.
Start today and let me know what you find out. I will be posting info this week about my new teleseminar series…so stay tuned!