Do you create unrealistic expectations for relationships, WORK, Life?
Why are you attached to those EXPECTATIONS AND unable to LET GO?
When there's the threat of loss (whether we truly want to move on or not), we feel a sudden overwhelming panic that the bottom is falling out, causing us to lose control of our emotions. We hide all this angst and appear to have it all together, while inside it's lonely and painful. The change we hope for doesn’t happen, so our self-worth plummets (maybe we don’t deserve it?) and we settle, or tell ourselves someday things will change.
As an example, when you’re with your partner, do you ever look forward to time alone, but when they leave you’re full of anxiety? You NEED their validation, their attention, something only their physical presence provides. You want them to rescue you from YOU, which just sets you up for disappointment. You may equate the intensity of your emotion with love, but it’s not love. It’s attachment.
Wherever attachment shows up in your life, it leaves you feeling emotionally out of control. When you sense the possibility of abandonment, even if the current situation is painful, you choose to stay put. It also leads to distorted realities. If the object of your desire checks 8 of your 10 boxes, you proclaim him/her your soulmate… nevermind the red flags you ignore.
You cling to the fantasy of what you WANT to exist instead of the reality of the situation.
And this doesn’t just happen in relationships. It can show up with jobs, life goals, vacations, money, real estate… anywhere you are attached to a particular (often unrealistic) outcome. And it keeps us stuck.
How We String Ourselves Along
-Hoping he/she will finally realize you’re the best thing that ever happened to him/her
-Looking for a new job because you’re miserable, interviewing elsewhere, then making excuses to stay put
-Believing success equals a white picket fence, golden retriever and 2.5 children
-Expecting once you find that “perfect” person, everything in your life will fall into place
-Believing if you keep quiet and don’t ask questions, you won’t upset the apple cart
-Thinking other people have issues… not you!
And then there are the excuses.
Excuses only hurt you, keeping you from really living. Your beliefs swirl around blame and scarcity, thinking there’s not enough love, good men/women, healthy relationships, jobs, money, etc. Maybe you think the person you’re with, or can’t detach from, is your best option. What if there isn’t anyone else?
Releasing Insecure Attachment
All of this stems from your early years when the seeds were planted, so it’s important to get at the root of how your attachment issues started. This isn’t about reliving the past; it’s about understanding where it all came from, looking at it from a different perspective and making new choices.
How do you do that?
First, we’ll identify your attachment style and how it impacts your relationships and life decisions. Whether you fall into the category of Avoidant/Anxious, Ambivalent/Anxious or Fearful/Disorganized, you will learn why insecure attachment has driven you to play strategically throughout life. Instead of managing your emotions, you lead with your intellect, so every move you make is like a well-played poker hand.
Next is breaking through unconscious thinking and finding out how you ACTUALLY feel (not what you tell yourself). From there we dig into the hard work of self-acceptance and trusting yourself. There is a lot of work to do, but for those willing to go there, it can be transformative. You’ll stop looking for ways to numb out and escape, and instead you’ll be able to LET GO, believing the life, relationship, job, etc. you want is within reach.
Are you ready to LET GO and commit to yourself?
Join a group of women with similar situations in a safe, supportive environment.
“As this was my first retreat, I didn’t know what to expect. The location was so peaceful and relaxing, plus Tracy and her staff were really welcoming. I enjoyed Tracy’s classes the most. It was nice to share my experiences with women from all over the country. As a result of the retreat, I have looked at many things differently. I will absolutely attend again. Highly recommended!”
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