My view is you were born completely intact, no one on this Earth could possibly add to you in any way, shape or form to complete you as a human being. Not a soul. In my experience, only your soul in your body completes you.
We can add to our happy factor with our relationships and experiences, but happiness inside of you has a direct connection to all of our experiences. The joy you have in you is to be shared, expanded and lived in as many moments as you breathe.
I have learned the more I fall in love with myself, the more joy I have for myself and others. The love for me leads to my life just “working”, because I am following my own heart. When I try to please someone else or do something “I think” would get me the outcome I want, I usually end up unfulfilled or unhappy.
I aim for kindness, not “being nice”.
There is a huge difference.
I equate being “nice” with trying to be liked, giving so others believe I am a good person, score points for acceptance, be the “go to” person–so I belong, and anything else that does not come from a genuine place. If you aren’t giving to yourself, you really aren’t able to fully give to others.
I remember going through the motions of being “physically” present, but emotionally checked out. I would catch myself giving my time, my energy, my care, but feeling off, sad or just vacant. And then I’d feel guilty or bad for feeling that way and criticize myself. It was a merry-go-round of self-induced misery.
When I started to remove obstacles to loving myself years ago, I began a new dance. I found I was able to sustain situations I used to run from and emotionally “be” in the moment–I could deal and I was able to heal. Checked in, instead of checked out.
What completes me is my own sense of self. If I do something for someone, you can be sure it is from my heart and soul. If I say “no”, you can be sure it is from my heart and soul. It is the most loving and kind thing I can do for myself and others. You get 100% me, almost all the time. Respect develops when you set your boundaries, first with yourself and then with others. It all works hand in hand when we are loving ourselves first.
I don’t look for others to accept me anymore, because in this life it is impossible to have everyone you meet be a member of your fan club. And that is okay! Some people are not gonna dig me or want to connect–nothing is wrong with anyone in that case–we all have our OWN preferences.
The joy comes with the love and the knowledge that nothing is really wrong with me, any more than any other person who exists on this planet. We all are okay, with our foibles, idiosyncrasies, imperfections, etc… because these elements make up all the parts of the “whole”. We are the only ones who can fill our own perceived “holes”.
Of course, it is really a wonderful experience to have an intimate relationship with someone who can be supportive, loving, kind and make our own “hole-filling” more joyous.
Acceptance goes a long way with first yourself and then others. Not accepting does nothing at all.
When you reject something, whether it is a part of yourself or another human being, what does it create? Strife, pain and doesn’t change anything inside of you or in anyone else.
Lets face it….first off who are we to believe someone needs to change to make us happy? That is not in our control; even if someone else wants to change, they may have obstacles they have to overcome to get there. And secondly, when you don’t accept yourself or someone else, you keep the drama and the battle going–a battle without a winner. And where is the love? What is the prize?
There is a quote I subscribe to: “I’d rather be happy than right.” When you realize how much being “wrong” is not a true catalyst for inner love and making choices which support growth, healing and happiness….you start thinking, “Who cares about being right, it’s quite a lonely place to be and it never really makes me feel better for more than a few seconds.”
It is so much easier to just accept it all just as it is, another person, a situation or YOU. And once you do, its amazing how things just begin to flow on their own. When you accept your own positive and negative traits, you are saying “I’m okay” and it opens the door to more love for yourself (becoming more whole), others and placing you in the position of making new choices. Choices that come from love and therefore create the life of much more joy.
You have WAY more love to give when you accept yourself. It makes it easier to accept others just as they are, and then miracles may happen. You were born complete. So, discovering all parts of the whole within you is a beautiful opportunity and one that opens the door for someone else who is a whole person to participate in your life at a whole new level of intimacy and communion.