A wounded story: Got one?
Love a good story?
Tell me your story. I will listen. Nothing you tell me will make me think less of you, because of your experiences. Truly.
Everyone has something that hurts, old hurt, new hurt or just a constant feeling of hurt.
It creates a story that we BELIEVE about ourselves.
If we’re not careful, we’ll take those experiences and make them a part of who we believe we are, which isn’t true.
I’ve found that most people just want to be heard, compassionately listened to and cared for as a lovable being. It validates their existence.
In our society, many people don’t want to hear the messiness of stories. These people change the subject immediately; perhaps they put a positive spin on it or walk away.
Some cannot handle the distress of others, because it brings out their own personal distress. They prefer it to remain buried, hoping it’ll just go away. Unfortunately, it manifests itself in many ways, anxiety, depression, an “ism”, and so on.
Expressing pain is okay.
Venting, sharing, crying and then hopefully laughing at how much impact we allow outside events/people to have in our lives is the hoped for outcome.
We all have stories, but its how much you believe those stories and where they incapacitate you that becomes the problem.
Some people love their painful stories, they don’t just share with a willing ear, they share with any ear. In this instance, it becomes beneficial to the “teller.” It gives them attention and little incentive to make appropriate changes to their perception, to live a more quality existence.
People can remain victimized by their painful stories. And when you’re either sharing it with everyone you meet, beating yourself over the head with it or believing this story must continue into the future, you are not being true to yourself.
These stories are NOT who we are, they are experiences that have happened.
Identifying with what other people have said or done, as “who we are,” is a misperception. It gives power to everything outside of us, so we are emotionally tossed about like a boat on an angry ocean.
Tell me your story. I want to hear it, because I can see where the source of pain comes from that radiates throughout your being, as you “live” it through expression.
And after you have told me the story, it’s time to look at why your story is so important to you.
What is the benefit?
There is always a benefit, whether you like being a victim, gaining sympathy, enjoying your sadness or fitting in to an identity that is made up…the story gives you something.
And it also keeps you stuck.
Most of us want to feel good, no matter what the circumstances are in our lives. It’s just these stories get in the way.
What can you do?
The story isn’t real. Yes, events happen, which create pain. Loss, abandonment, loneliness, etc… all can be very painful.
It’s an experience, which we go through and it affects us, absolutely.
When I say it isn’t real, what I mean is that “the pain is not WHO we are,” it’s not our identity and we don’t deserve it anymore, than anyone else in the world.
Having a story and being the story are two different things. Accept there’s pain, but you don’t have to accept it as your cross to bear.
Recognize your responsibility (If it was something you participated in). It allows you freedom and control.
If you see where you are responsible, then you know it is not set in stone that you will do the same exact thing again. You will see where your actions and reactions are in your control. And that allows for change.
Is the story born from years ago, when you decided to believe certain things about yourself based on others or society in general?
These are our most painful stories, because when we were young and vulnerable, we experienced pain. No one wants to experience that again, so we built defenses (old, child-like defenses) and proceeded to react in a way to preserve ourselves.
Whether we give in, hand out or beat down, we are re-enacting the past and keeping the story alive.
Learn the seed of your story. Understand that it has created limitations in your life. Do you want it to continue to rule?
Then get real. Look at why you think you’re not enough, too much, unlovable, stupid, crazy, etc… and realize it’s a LIE.
It’s not true. You can change your actions NOW. Once you see that you believed something that wasn’t true about you. All sources outside of us are a choice in how we perceive them and their sphere of influence.
Have compassion for yourself and what you have been through. Have compassion for every way that you have mistreated yourself or someone else. The more compassion you have for you, the more you have for others.
And there is no reason at all that you don’t deserve compassion.
Listen to your story, listen to others stories, see how their stories are untrue too in how they identify themselves.
So….tell me your story.