fear of being abandoned

#527 – Journey of Attachment: If I’m Perfect, You Won’t Leave

How often do your edit yourself in a relationship so you won’t be kicked to the curb? You’re afraid of asking for what you need, or expressing how you feel because you’re afraid it will be too much to handle. You imagine your mate looking at you like a crazy person, then turning around and leaving. Or, if they stay, you think they will totally shut down and you will feel alone. If you have found yourself in this situation, why are you so focused on the other person’s reaction, trying to anticipate what they might do, rather than looking inside at your own feelings? Why does he/she matter more than you do?

When you walk on eggshells and accept breadcrumbs for fear of being abandoned, you are disowning parts of yourself. Anger and resentment often build up because your “perfect” behavior isn’t being recognized and appreciated. It’s like looking for water in a desert; you will never find a healthy relationship this way. In this episode we’ll look at these self-defeating actions and why you choose them instead of honoring and valuing yourself. It comes from a place of fear, so the first step is understanding what is going on and why you are allowing it to happen—without judgment. This is about acceptance and stopping the struggle so you can do the deeper work of valuing yourself and speaking your truth… no matter what the other person does.

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