#509 – Journey Of Attachment: The Frustrating Struggle of Avoidants

Being an Avoidant is a constant struggle… a struggle for internal peace, a struggle to be understood, a struggle to tear down emotional walls. I know all of this very well because I grew up as an insecurely attached Avoidant, so my journey has been to understand myself on an emotional level (not intellectual) and do the opposite of what my patterns dictated. This is tough because Avoidancy shows up in so many areas of life—avoiding bills, conversations, people in the supermarket, situations where you don’t have control, etc. It’s a coping mechanism developed in childhood as a way to feel safe, which ends up walling you off from the world in adulthood. It results in numbing, disassociating, distancing, loneliness and being overly-sensitive. Yeah, being an Avoidant is no damn fun.

So if you’re an Avoidant, what do you do about it? In this episode I list a bunch of Avoidant characteristics because the first step is awareness. If a few of these resonate with you, you are probably somewhere on the Avoidant spectrum. This can actually be a comfort because you realize you aren’t a freak of nature—there are lots of Avoidants out there! It’s like discovering the island of misfit toys and jumping for joy. But awareness of your self-protective (and self-destructive) patterns is just the beginning. You have to get out of “know-it-all” mode and open yourself up to learning about yourself on a deeper level. There is no quick fix to being an Avoidant. It’s a lifelong commitment to vulnerability, feeling your feelings and uncomfortable actions. But doing this will move you out of your small, protective foxhole into a world of connection, love and limitless possibility. It’s worth every painful step because contrary to what you might think, you are NOT better off alone.

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