#285- Journey of Attachment: Is Mind Reading A Hobby Of Yours?

How often do you think you know what your partner is going to say or do? And how often do you act based on that assumption? Trying to read someone’s mind in attached relationships is often tied to a fear of loss. If you’re afraid the relationship may end or waiting for the other shoe to drop, you may try to preempt it by staying a step ahead of what your partner is thinking. Of course you’re not inside their head so you can never really know what they’re thinking, so this is all based on assumptions. It’s also a sign that transparent communication is nowhere to be found.

If you sense your partner pulling away, you may spend a great deal of time trying to figure out what he/she is thinking and feeling. Of course you don’t ask them because you’re afraid of the answer so you play detective and draw conclusions. Maybe you talk to your friends about the possible scenarios and determine what the reason must be. Then if your partner says they want to talk to you, your whole body goes numb because you’re convinced a breakup is coming. Instead of letting the conversation unfold, you try to control it by saying how wonderful they are or how much you’re looking forward to some future plan. You are acting from this fearful place based on an assumption about what they’re thinking, which may have zero to do with reality.

Healthy relationships do not involve mind reading. I don’t care how in sync you are, you are not inside someone else’s head. When you’re focused on what your partner is thinking, you spend all your time reacting rather than focused on yourself and what you want. So how do you stop being a fortune teller? Talk to your partner. Ask what’s going on. You may find your fear is totally unfounded. And if it’s not, jumping through hoops to avoid the break-up conversation is not a happy, anxiety-free way to live. Put the focus back on you and open up the dialog.


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