#266- Shameful Secrets Kill Everything

Secrets don’t protect you from loss or being rejected—they alienate you. The keep you from being emotionally present and available. A secret is a lie you tell over and over again with each new person or situation, reinforcing it each time. It’s a specific form of hiding that causes shame, and it’s a heavy load to carry. Secrets also create a lot of collateral damage when they get out; people feel betrayed and it creates distance. We tell ourselves secrets do no harm if we keep them locked tightly inside, but this is never the case. They hurt us and they hurt others.

There are a million secrets people hide: secret lover, secret drinker/eater, fetishes, plastic surgery, growing up poor, health conditions, living with your parents, debt, etc. Some people are so afraid of their secrets being revealed because of the shame associated that they take them to the grave. Unfortunately they steal from you and the people you love. Shameful secrets are the source of guilt, pain, anxiety, depression and a life unlived.

Secrets are the complete opposite of authenticity, and most people aren’t aware of the destruction they cause—whether they are revealed or not. Even “small” secrets are damaging because they suck your energy and keep you in a place of hiding where you can never be your true self. You convince yourself it’s not a big deal if it doesn’t impact others (I had a nose job, who cares?), but you don’t consider the toll it takes on you. When you keep a secret, you operate from a closed, protective place in all areas of your life. How can you connect with someone on an emotional level when you’re hiding part of yourself? Sharing your secrets and feeling the shame that surrounds them will set you free.


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