#201- Journey of Attachment: How Stories Hold Us in Victimhood


Reality is difficult to deal with. It’s filled with uncomfortable emotions, disappointment and fear. Stories are easier because they require no personal responsibility. When in a state of attachment, we often play out stories in our head based on our beliefs. We assign roles to people, making the other person (often a romantic partner) the perpetrator and rescuer so we can play the victim. Perhaps we create a fantasy where our partner, who continually hurts us or invalidates us, is suddenly going to turn around and rescue us. It sounds crazy, but we do it all the time. The characters and setting may change, but the plot is always the same: victimhood.

Waiting for a fantasy to come true is always a powerless position, and it’s how we stay stuck. Being a victim is safe and cozy because you don’t have to deal with your feelings. There is no accountability for your choices. Acknowledging the stories you create and the role you play is hard, but not doing so will keep you on the Drama Triangle of perpetrator, rescuer, victim. Where in your life do you create situations of needing to be rescued? Deciding to live in fantasy or reality is a choice, and it’s yours alone. If your partner doesn’t step up now, waiting for him/her to miraculously do it in the future is a fantasy. Take your power back by speaking your truth, even in the face of potential rejection. Only you can rescue you.


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